Losing My Religion
by twihard-lightning-thiefs
Summary: Annabeth is grieving for someone not yet dead. She is losing part of herself, like losing her religion. What will she go through to get that huge part of her back? Some percabeth.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Rick Riordan is not me. Unless I'm his female clone. Oooh, scary!!

If you've read our stories, you may notice they are happy-go-lucky. They are both written by the other Lightning Thief (Galen from our profile) I usually edit but this struck me and tears were welling in my eyes-- I get way too much into character. So as a **warning: this is not like our other stories it has feeling and sadness. **And a plot. This is the _other lightning thief._

SONG: Everbody Hurts by R.E.M.

Well, Chiron suggested I log my journey for future reference, should this ever happen again. But it will never be as bad as this. Ever. I mean how it could I don't know, I practically lost the love of my life. And I didn't even realize it until he was gone because I was too stuck on the past. Him, he betrayed us he caused this, him and… I can't even say the name for fear of either breaking out sobbing or going on a ferocious rant and destroying something. How could my love have done this, how could he have left me behind for my safety! He doesn't know anything, maybe I could have stopped it, and maybe I would be lying in the Big House with him too. I sad I practically lost him because I can't tell if he's really there. He's there but he's not. I can't make it better, I can't fix it and neither can the gods. People keep looking at me like I should let it go. But I can't. I really, truly can't. Because If I do it's like I'm giving up on myself. Can you give up on yourself? Does anyone actually think I can give up on him, don't they know, don't they understand? My tears are streaming silently down my face; I'm helpless to stop them. Anyone who reads this I'm sorry if it's illegible. The only one who looks at me with anything but pity is Aphrodite. She looks at me with an admiration, but she still acknowledges the desperateness of the situation.

I wonder what Percy would think of me now. My face sallow. My hair only shoulder length, I chopped it off with Anaklusmos. I'm not really sure why, as it wasn't very wise of me. What would he think of the girl torn with grief and mourning for someone not yet dead? Or a girl searching, hoping, wanting something impossible? Would he still end up loving me as I knew he did? I was no longer the winsome happy girl I used to be. In fact, I really didn't know what I was. I was pale even though I naturally tan, as if my body knew from instinct that I felt pale and hollow. I still went through the required activities and no one expected much from me. They saw the bags and puffiness my eyes got from my lost sleep. My dreams weren't horrific in that they would scare anyone but myself, I saw a pale, dark haired boy sleeping. Instinctually I could tell he was aging, lines appeared, he grew leaner and longer handsomer even. But he didn't wake up, he never once fluttered his eyes nevertheless open them. That's what would never fail to wake me up with a guaranteed scream. My cabin mates were accustomed to my screams; they knew the volume and tenor and could probably imitate it exactly. As well as recognize it from a mile away.

Everyone is so focused on me that they forget how others feel. Thalia gets to hide from the world with the Hunters. Besides me, I would say that Grover is hit the hardest. He was Percy's best friend. They never dissolved their empathy link. Grover isn't in a vegetative state, like he would be if Percy was brain dead. It gives me a sliver of hope. I believe Grover and I are the only ones with hope, both hopes fueled by the fact that he is still living. He is depressed though and in his dreams sees what he thinks Percy is dreaming in his comatose state. Grover and I often meet up and discuss what Percy's dreaming often about me and what would probably embarrass us all had Grover been still connected to Percy when… well, if what Percy had been dreaming about had been true. It still makes my heart beat fast to know that Percy loves me even though he isn't with me.

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Review, I really did put heart into it!


	2. What They Know

A/N Sorry I have taken an obscenely long amount of time (19 days!) but oh well. I wrote this at 1 am, so... yeah. It is again the other lightning thief, as I refuse to let her have any input with this. ha.

I am not Rick Riordan. And I am not depressed about it, as I have trouble staying depressed for any amount of time. Odd, considering my story.

Chapter 2: What They Know

Excitement permeated the air like the scent of strawberries that fund the camp. Like the rumor everyone knew without it being said. The rumor that said Percy would be receiving his quest, the one that would free us from fear or sentence us to the worst downfall ever, spiral us -everyone in civilization I set out to beautify- down into the deepest pits of Tartarus. Deeper even. But the hopeful possibilities, ones with less monsters, no fear of takeover, perhaps even a semblance of normalcy in our broken and confused demigod lives. The optimistic ands and ifs made the excitement tangible in the air felt by everyone at the camp. I could tell by the glances stolen at each other by everyone, by the way no one focused on their activities.

Finally, Chiron could bear it no more and camp activities were canceled shortly after lunch time. While I was sitting by the campfire with people and talking to Grover about environmental architecture to carry on Pan's wishes I looked over to Percy, expecting to find him looking out at the ocean, only to find nothing on my right side. Except, that is, a view if the infamous hill on which I walked away form him without a second glance. The cause of the tension, Rachel, hadn't crossed my mind for a while. Zeus! Shoot! My record of anger-less thoughts had almost been crushed. I had now reached the cabins looking for Percy and with a spurt of inspiration I sprinted, half expecting to run into something not there. I was right, my trusty baseball cap was no longer in my spot, illustrating the trouble of best friends. They know most everything about you, but the beauty of it is they make you feel more whole and could do an infinite number of things but choose to keep it and help you. At least Percy did this to me. I was by that same excitement again, triggered by the congregation of people by the field murmuring about prophecies and other "p" words, one of which I am sure was "Percy". It had turned out I was not the only one who had noticed his absence. This sunk into my bones and shook my heartbeats. I thought it was fear for going on Percy's quest because being Percy's friend I knew I'd get chosen to go with him. I tried fathoming Percy's feelings about deciding the fate of the world. Considering he was turning 16 this summer, I predicted his final battle would be on his birthday and what a wonderful way to celebrate it would be.

After searching all around camp for nearly three hours wondering what Percy could possibly be doing for this long I sat on the beach listening to the calming boom and crash of the waves. The Oracle was not this slow and even if he _was_ confused wouldn't he want me to help him with my nick name of Wise Girl? Maybe who would go with him, however wouldn't that be obvious, Grover and I? Unless... no there can only be three people, any more is unlucky. I settled on that he was worried and scared despite the fact that I had complete faith in him. Me and a group of people, unfortunately not everyone was as sure of Seaweed Brain. I meandered towards the dining pavilion because the sun was almost setting and I had to lead my cabin in. I saw Percy sit down but he wouldn't meet my eyes, purposely it appeared. As I sacrificed my food, I asked Athena for help on my journey. I heard a voice not unlike my mother's saying, "more than you know". The eerie tone made me wonder and I looked at the sly of answers. Chiron looked as though he had something important to say. Mr. D looked as though he was reading Percy's thoughts and looked at me with something as close to pity as he was possible of expressing with his less-than-friendly ways. The confusion with the gods simply escalated today, with voices and sympathetic looks.

We walked to the campfire after Chiron said he would announce the news when we were eating s'mores. I tried to sit next to Percy but he sat on the edge next to Grover. He still would not acknowledge my presence. It hurt. A lot. I sat near some of my cabin mates and we discussed monuments and important buildings. We also talked about Daedalus' laptop, I was not even half way through in around a year had passed since I have had it. I glance at Percy again and was having a hard time keeping up my conversation with her, as Percy was occupying my mind.

Chiron stood up and tried to get the attention of everyone, a hard task even on a less eventful night. But with prophecy talk and semi-staring at Percy, I almost felt bad for him. He tried again and again over about 10 minutes. Mr. D at last bellowed so loud that everyone was shocked into silence.

"Well, I see we all are quite talkative tonight," he said in his characteristic that sounded warm and friendly while being commanding. "I am sure you all already know that the fate of Olympus is drawing nearer and the closest demigod is Percy, assuming he doesn't drop dead this night. You all presume correctly that he has received both prophecy and quest today in the Big House. Percy have you chosen your companians?"

Percy nodded weakly. He spoke, "But I can't say right now. It needs to be personal." Mr. D gave me that same look not helping my confused thoughts

Chiron said, "Well then, curfew is soon so get to your cabins!"

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Read and Review. Please. Pretty please. First person to guess Percy's companion wins the satisfaction of being right!!


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